Are You In An Abusive or Potentially Abusive Relationship?

This questionnaire is designed to help you decide if you are currently in an abusive situation. There are different forms of abuse and not every individual experiences all of them. Below are various questions to be answered about your personal relationships – this may be a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or just a friend. As you can see, each possible answer has points assigned to it, by answering each question and then totaling these points as directed, you can determine how abusive your relationship is.

1. Does he/she continually monitor your time and make you account for every minute (when you run errands, visit friends, go to school activities)?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

2. Is he/she ever rude to your friends?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

3. Does he/she ever discourage you from starting friendships with other women/men?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

4. Is he/she overly critical of daily things, such as your clothes or your appearance?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

5. Do his/her moods change radically, from very calm to very angry or vice versa?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

6. Does he/she become angry more easily if he/she has been drinking?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

7. Does he/she pressure you for sex and/or intimate behavior much more often than you’d like?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

8. Does he/she become angry if you don’t want to go along with his/her requests for sex or intimacy?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

9. Does he/she ever strike you with his/her hands or feet (slap, punch, kick, etc.)?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

10. Does he/she ever threaten you with an object or weapon?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

11. Has he/she ever threatened to kill either himself/herself or you?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

12. Does he/she ever throw objects or break things when he/she is angry?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

13. Has he/she ever been in trouble with the police?
Frequently (3 points) Sometimes (2 points) Rarely (1 point) Never (0 points)

To score your responses, simply add up the points that correspond to each answer. To get some idea of how abusive your relationship is, compare your score with the following chart:

0-11 Points — Non-Abusive * 12-25 Points — Moderately Abusive * 26-44 Points — Seriously Abusive * 45-54 Points — Dangerously Abusive

Non-Abusive – The sorts of strains you are experiencing are not unusual in an intimate relationship, and you are both dealing with them nonviolently.

Moderately Abusive – Definitely this person is involved in a relationship where some violence is experienced once in awhile. It may be that this is a relationship where the violence is just beginning. But in a new relationship, there is good reason to expect it will eventually escalate into more serious forms andmay occur more frequently.

Seriously Abusive – This relationship can move into a seriously abusive situation and serious injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. You need to talk with someone about the violence – a friend, relative, parent, or counselor.

Dangerously Abusive – Individuals within this category need to seriously consider terminating the relationship, at least temporarily. The violence will not take care of itself. Over time the chances are very good that your life will literally be in jeopardy more than once. Outside intervention is critical.